It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
