i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
