As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
