I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize