If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
