I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
