when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
