oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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