woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
and you fell through a lawn chair
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize