Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
