It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
