your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
