So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
