i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
