Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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