Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
