No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just pee around me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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