Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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