Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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