Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
