The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
