I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize