"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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