She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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