dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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