Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
zippers are such a cool invention
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
