I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
