You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
