I have demons in me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
