Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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