he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
