i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
