Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
