Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
