my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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