Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
