Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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