My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i would punch a child for taco bell
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize