He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
