For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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