Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
