I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
