...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
