I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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