Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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