she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
