I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
