we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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