Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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