i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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