Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
