would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
FUCK WHALES
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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