literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
