I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
