I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
