I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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