so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
