Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
