Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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