im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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