You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who died my cat blue again?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
