Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize