one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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