She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
