when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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