I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
