i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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