My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
