Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
