Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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