Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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