..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
