so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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